Summertime Haze
1.19 - A Time for Mourning
“Toby, come on. It’s time,” Reese said quietly, entering Toby’s room without a knock.
The day had finally come. A day Toby had been dreading ever since that last day at the hospital.
The day of Hayley’s funeral.
“Okay,” Toby nodded. “I’ll come down, just… give me a minute.”
Reese nodded, and shut the door.
He heard the muffled voices of his children as Reese explained to them that their father would be just another minute, then footsteps as the three of them walked back down the hallway to head back downstairs.
Toby sank down onto his bed, and wiped away the tears that always seemed to be hanging around at the edge of his vision. He felt like he cried too much, yet also… not enough. Reflecting back, Toby once again went back to explaining Hayley’s passing to Nathan and Jennifer. That had been like hell to Toby. He was so angry at the time, so mad at the world for taking Hayley away from him, that the words he tried to speak didn’t fit together. Reese had to step in and explain it to them for him. It’d been humiliating. He was their father, and he couldn’t even explain what had happened to their mother correctly. In all senses of the word, Toby knew that he was a failure. He’d failed as a husband. He’d failed as a father. He’d even failed as a friend, seeing how he’d treated Henry’s group as of late.
But he knew that Reese wasn’t going to hang around forever, and take care of his children in his stead as he spiraled. So, Toby did his best to pull himself back together, and headed downstairs to meet his children and Reese for the funeral.
Jennifer and Nathan were unusually subdued. Usually, the two of them were so full of energy, always shouting and fighting. And, as Toby came downstairs, he felt like the two of them looked right through him with their sad, sad eyes. They looked right past the facade of the strong and resourceful dad he’d always tried to be, and saw the weak, sniveling boy within. He felt like they were looking at him like he was a stranger. And, understandably so. He’d cheated on his wife, something Hayley had been sure to tell them about before her passing, and following that, she died, leaving Toby as the sole guardian. At this point, he felt like they’d prefer Reese as a parental figure to him.
Toby continued to walk into the room, and once he reached Reese, he pulled her aside, so the two of them were out of earshot of Nathan and Jennifer.
“Reese. You’re the one person who saw the last nurse to visit Hayley before her passing, right?” he asked.
Reese nodded. “Yeah, Toby. Thought you knew that. But, come on, this isn’t the time for conspiracy theories, okay?”
“I’m not making up conspiracy theories, alright? I need you to be onboard. I know that nurse killed Hayley. It’s the only thing that makes sense! I need you to promise me that you’ll help me find her, so that woman can get the punishment she deserves,” Toby hissed.
“Look, Toby. I… Oh, fine. Alright. Just for your sake of mind, I will.”
“Good. That nurse… if she hadn’t tried to treat Hayley, everything would be fine right now. I’m sure of it. Hayley and I would have worked something out, and my kids wouldn’t be looking at me like I’m some stranger wearing their father’s skin.”
“For now, Toby, let’s go to the funeral and honor her memory. Alright?”
Toby nodded.
Meanwhile, Henry, Jordan, Bennett, and Hope sat around Henry’s dining room table.
“So, you’re saying that Toby seriously didn’t invite any of us to Hayley’s funeral?” Hope said. “Unbelievable…”
“It sure seems like it,” Henry said, shaking his head. “I passed by the First Church on my way back from Newcrest this morning, and there was a sign on the door talking about the church being closed for Hayley’s service.”
“Not just unbelievable. Ridiculous!” Jordan exclaimed. “The four of us are some of Toby’s closest friends. And, we were friends with Hayley too, she came over for dinner more times than I can count!”
“But Paolo was invited, right?” Bennett asked.
Hope nodded. “Yep. But of course he was, he’s been a family friend for way longer than any of the four of us have been.”
“That still isn’t a reason to exclude us!” Jordan sputtered. “I’m sure each and every one of us wants to pay our respects to Hayley too, right?”
Everyone nodded.
“That settles it,” Jordan proclaimed. “We’re going anyway.”
“Jordan!” Bennett hissed. “We can’t! That would be so bad! As rude as it was of Toby not to invite us, we can’t just crash his wife’s funeral. That’s so not cool, okay?”
“Oh, just try to stop me, Bennett.”
“Frankly, as much as it doesn’t sit right with me…” Hope muttered. “I still want to be there. For Hayley. Let’s just claim that we thought it was open invitation or something? I don’t want Toby to be angry at us, but I want to be able to mourn Hayley at her service.”
“Henry, please, try to convince them otherwise,” Bennett begged.
“I’m sorry, Bennett, but I’m with them,” Henry said carefully. “I’ve always had so much respect for Hayley. I’ve always been able to tell that she didn’t like me much, which is understandable, because of the relationship Toby and I started developing, but she still made the effort to try and get to know me. To get to know all of us. She truly wanted to know and love her husband, even if it meant interacting with people she wasn’t practically fond of. And… it hurts to me to know that Toby couldn’t ever love her back in that same way. I’m sure that, on some level, Hayley knew. Knew about Toby’s sexuality. Knew about the two of us. But still, she persevered. I want to honor her memory.”
Jordan nodded. “We’re going, Bennett. It’s settled. We can always ask for forgiveness later.”
“And it isn’t like Toby’s even talking with us right now to begin with….” Hope muttered. “Not like much more is going to change there."
“Okay, okay,” Bennett sighed. “We’ll go. For Hayley.”
Toby, Nathan, and Jennifer all sat together on a bench right up close to the altar, eyes closed.
On the bench across the aisle them sat Reese and Paolo.
After a few minutes of silent prayer, Toby gave both Nathan and Jennifer’s hands a reassuring squeeze, then stepped up to the altar to speak a few words.
“Hayley. Where do I even begin?” he muttered, staring off into space.
He legitimately didn’t know where to begin. He hadn’t spent any time preparing a speech, he’d been too busy wallowing in grief and self hatred since that last day at the hospital. He looked to his children for reassurance, hoping to find them paying close attention, dedicated to their remaining guardian… but he found nothing but the same hurt he’d seen in their eyes since Hayley’s passing. Not just hurt about the death of their mother, but hurt about his betrayal as a father.
Toby shut his eyes to try to contain the tears, then continued speaking.
“She was incredible. Stunning. Reliable. Faithful. When she walked into a room, everyone looked up to see who had just entered. She was such a beautiful woman, inside and out, and I… no, she deserved so much better than all of this.”
Toby heard the doors to the church open and the footsteps of several people entering the room. He chose to ignore it, and continued speaking.
“I’ve known Hayley for so many years now… I can still remember how it all began so clearly. She was the head of the cheerleading team, and I was the captain of the football team… It was like it was meant to be, almost. And… it should have been. It should have been meant to be.”
“Toby,” he heard a voice hiss.
Toby slowly opened his eyes, and saw Reese, standing up.
“Take a moment and look at who just arrived,” she said quietly, gesturing to the people behind her.
Toby refocused his attention on the audience, and saw Henry, Bennett, Jordan, and Hope seated at the back of the room.
“I thought you said it was just going to be the five of us,” Reese went on. “A small ceremony, with just family and close friends, right? What are they doing here? We both know how much Hayley disliked them. Is this really how you want to honor her memory?”
Toby did his best to ignore the bite behind Reese’s words. “I… I didn’t invite them…”
Reese turned to Paolo. “Was this you, then? I know you’re better friends with them now then you are with us, and everything-“
“No, Reese,” Paolo said, shaking his head. “I had nothing to do with this. I love them all, but this is Hayley’s funeral. We all know better, okay?”
“Um… excuse me, everyone,” Toby muttered, stepping down from the altar.
He could feel Nathan and Jennifer’s eyes digging into his back as he made his way down the aisle to everyone who had just entered.
“Just so you know, Toby, I tried to stop them,” Bennett said quickly.
“What are you guys doing here?” Toby asked quietly, ignoring Bennett.
“We knew Hayley too,” Jordan said boldly. “I think we deserve the right to pay our respects to her at her funeral just as much as Paolo or Reese do.”
“I’m just trying to do what Hayley would have wanted…”
“I don’t think that’s true, Toby,” Hope said, shaking her head. “Not inviting us? I think that was a personal choice you made because you no longer know how to deal with us after what happened with Henry.”
“I…”
“Toby,” Henry said carefully. “I understand that you need time to process everything right now. We all do. But cutting off your friends isn’t the way to deal with this. Our relationship aside, each and every one of us would be more than happy to be here for you, a shoulder for you to cry on. I mean, that’s the whole reason our group formed, isn’t it? To deal with each other’s problems?”
“I’m not doing that, I’m not! I just, I just…”
“It’s okay, Toby. Everything’s going to be okay. Just understand that the last thing you should do during a time like this is isolate yourself. Talk to us, okay? All any of us want to do is be here for you right now.”
Reese and Paolo walked over.
“Toby,” Reese said firmly. “Now isn’t the time to be dealing with them. Especially with the man who drove a wedge between you and Hayley.”
“Hey lady, we knew Hayley too, you know,” Jordan spoke up.
“Toby and I designed the funeral she would have wanted,” Reese said simply. “Close friends and family only. Don’t disrespect her memory by attending a funeral you’re not welcome at.”
“Yeah…” Paolo said quietly. “I mean no disrespect here, guys, but Hayley? I doubt she would have wanted any of you guys here. I’m sorry…”
“Please… leave. All four of you,” Toby said, looking down.
Bennett didn’t need to be told twice, and stood up immediately.
Jordan stayed seated. “I can’t believe this. Toby, and especially you, Paolo. From what I’ve always understood, Hayley was in no way a spiteful person. Why would she refuse people the right to mourn at her funeral?”
“Jordan,” Henry said. “Come on. We should go.”
Henry and Hope shared a meaningful look, and they both grabbed one of Jordan’s hands and after getting her out of her chair, they carefully walked her out of the church, Bennett trailing behind the three of them. The door shut behind them, and the church quickly reentered the oppressive atmosphere it’d had since before the four of them had arrived.
Of course, there’d still been a lot of sadness, sure. But… with the four of them, for the first time in ages, Toby had felt like maybe, he could be okay again someday. Especially with Henry at his side…
“Well?” Reese asked, interrupting Toby’s chain of thought. “Don’t you have a speech to get back to?”
Toby nodded, and walked back up to the altar.
Meanwhile, Regan was finally preparing to deliver on a promise she’d made to Ellen long ago.
She lounged on a recliner in the apartment she’d been staying at since since running away from home. Next to her sat two individuals.
The first was Mallory Fuchs. Back when Regan was just a freshman in high school, Mallory, a senior, had made waves by being more or less the ultimate bad girl. Already disowned by her parents, she regularly did hardcore drugs, and sold them too. If anyone so much as looked at her wrong, she’d beat them up. The guidance counselors at the school tried their best, but nothing was going to make her be a more upstanding member of society.
Mallory had seen something of herself in Regan that year, and instead of beating her up, she ended up taking Regan under her wing. She helped Regan change from the perfect daughter and sister she’d been before, the girl who thought getting perfect grades was the way to outshine her brother, to a girl who realized that grades and education were meaningless, a girl that realized if she wanted to separate herself than Bennett, she needed to set herself apart from the vast majority of society. At the time, she’d never anticipated that doing so would result in Bennett abandoning her and moving elsewhere, but in her mind, what was done was done, and she’d now have to get her brother back another way.
The second person sitting across from her was Owain Fitzpatrick. He’d been a junior at the time Regan was a freshman, and at the time, he was very much a misfit. His single father was more or less absent, and when he was home, he wasn’t pleasant to deal with. Like Regan, he found himself drawn to Mallory’s unabashed cruelness. Before long, the two were a couple, and became the most feared duo in the entire school. The school was beyond pleased when the pair of them finally dropped out to pursue a life of crime.
“So,” Mallory said. “This… Ellen. You want us all to help her… for what, exactly?”
“To get my brother back,” Regan said simply. “It’s almost like he choose to run away from who I became instead of learning to appreciate that I’d become more unique than him, and I can’t have that.”
“We’re a trio, Regan,” Owain said. “We don’t accept outsiders, and the fact that you’ve chosen to ally yourself with a school counselor, of all people, is disgusting.”
“Yeah, yeah! That’s right! She’s a fucking school counselor, Regan, what are you doing? Choosing the dumbass little overachievers over us, like you did before we changed you for the better?”
“No,” Regan said calmly, not even phased. “Don’t forget. She’s a former school counselor. And in what I’ve seen from her, she is nowhere near the ones from our school that wanted us all to get jobs at a fast food joint thinking it would mellow us out. And plus? I’m here. Not with Ellen. I chose to live with you two over her, because you two will always be the ones that are important to me. Just like in school, the three of us are Mallory’s Gang, first and foremost.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll take your word for it for now. This Ellen better not prove to be some preppy school counselor who wants to fix us though, Regan, I’m warning you,” Mallory said.
“You’ll see,” Regan smiled.
Soon enough, the three of them joined Ellen and Jaxon at Ellen’s house.
“Ellen, Jaxon, meet Mallory and Owain,” Regan said, gesturing towards everyone as they all took seats. They had to move some chairs around to get everyone to fit in one seating area, but it didn’t take long for them to figure it out.
“It’s good to meet you both finally,” Ellen said, nodding politely. “I’ve heard so much about the two of you from Regan here.”
“Heard what, exactly?” Owain asked.
‘Nothing significant, dumbass,” Regan said, rolling her eyes. “I know that our group comes first. Always.”
“I- hm. Never mind,” Ellen muttered.
It was clear to everyone that Ellen wasn’t practically fond of the three of them having a higher loyalty to each other than they’d ever have to her, but for the time being, she chose not to push it.
“So. Our first order of business,” Ellen said, moving on quickly. “Jaxon here failed in his last mission to do the very simple task of getting one, yes just one piece of hair from Henry’s house. In fact, he preformed so terribly that Henry caught him. Jaxon, is there anything you’d like to say for yourself to try to apologize for this grievous error?”
“I, uh, no? Um, actually, yeah! I- I panicked, and uh, made too much noise I guess? I don’t know guys, I’m not good at this kind of stuff, you know?” Jaxon stammered.
“Weak,” Mallory snorted. “I don’t even have to know the logistics of what you all were trying to do there to figure out an easy solution. Make noise somewhere else in the house, then while they’re investigating that, you’re totally free to go into their bedroom and steal whatever the fuck you want. Jeez. Regan, you were right. This group does need our help.”
“Maybe if I understand why I needed the hair-?” Jaxon added.
“That wouldn’t have changed your poor performance,” Ellen said simply. “Even if I’d told you that we needed some jewel from his bedroom to buy you a bigger house, you would have made the same blunder. Your heart isn’t in this, Jaxon, it isn’t hard to tell.”
“You know what? Yeah, you’re right! What we’re doing here isn’t right, it’s illegal! You have to feel guilty Ellen, you too Regan!”
Regan shook her head. “Not in the slightest.”
“I feel justified,” Ellen said, smiling as she launched into a tirade. “What I’m doing… it’s right. I’m trying to help Henry. It doesn’t matter the means, what matters is the end result… by the end of this, Henry will be the same innocent boy he was before… before perversion took him. What I’m doing… it’s nothing but saintly. And if I have to make shady deals and dirty my hands in the process, so be it! The Mother will forgive me. I know it.”