Summertime Haze
1.17 - What Would SHE Want?
Toby took a deep breath, back pressed to the wall outside Hayley’s hospital room. Then, more so to avoid the crippling anxiety he was dealing with over anything else, Toby quickly opened the door, and shut it behind him as he went in.
Hayley looked up from the chair where she was sitting. Nathan and Jennifer sat in front of her, and it was clear that Hayley has been in the middle of a story.
“Toby!” Hayley said, surprised. “Why’d you come in in such a hurry?”
“I- I don’t know, dear,” Toby laughed nervously. “Just wanted to hurry in and see you, I guess!”
Hayley frowned, but ignored the strangeness.
“Anyway, Dad can join me in this story now, if he wants, but let’s get back to it! Where was I?” Hayley said, looking down at Nathan and Jennifer.
“You finally getting to be a cheerleader!” Jennifer cheered.
“You went on and on about how you worked hard to get there from the start because you thought Dad was soooo attractive,” Nathan muttered.
“Ah! Perfect,” Hayley smiled. “So, I spent that game entirely focused on cheerleading. Even though I may have started on that path because of Dad, by that point I was doing it for me. Which is something you need to understand, Jennifer, do things for yourself, not for a boy.”
Jennifer nodded.
Feeling like he needed to chime in, Toby spoke up. “Then your mother thought I spent the whole game staring at her, and she felt like all she’d worked for, it had led to… mutual… feelings…”
“Yes! Turns out, your father was just staring at a fellow teammate who was behind me, those boys were always together, but he’d broken his arm and Toby missed him. But him staring at me was enough for me to ask him out, and we’ve been together ever since!”
“Okay, great. Now that we’ve heard that story for the hundredth time, can Jennifer and I go and get lunch finally?” Nathan groaned.
“I enjoy your stories, mom, I don’t know what Nathan is on about,” Jennifer said boldly.
“Regardless, it is past your lunch time,” Toby said, seeing an opportunity for him to finally talk to Hayley alone. “So, hurry along!”
Nathan did a fist pump, and hurried out of the room. Jennifer soon followed behind.
Once the door shut behind them, Hayley turned to Toby. “What’s up with you? You’re acting so weird right now.”
Toby took a deep breath. “Hayley, I- we need to talk.”
Hayley gave Toby a strange look. “Toby, you’re scaring me.”
“Hayley, I- I’m gay,” Toby said quickly.
Hayley leaned back in her chair, and closed her eyes.
After what seemed like an eternity passed, she finally opened her eyes again. “Back when I first thought you were staring at me- you were really into that other teammate, weren’t you?”
“Hayley, I-“
“Stop talking, Toby. I don’t want to hear your voice right now, and I deserve several moments to process this, wouldn’t you think? This is why you were never intimate with me outside of conceiving Nathan and Jennifer, isn’t it?”
“There’s more I need to tell you, Hayley,” Toby said quietly.
“Oh, great,” Hayley sighed.
“I… I’m in a relationship with another guy.”
Hayley smiled bitterly and nodded. “Oh, of course. As if this week can’t get any worse. It’s Henry, isn’t it?”
Toby didn’t respond, but his eyes betrayed him.
“Told you he’d bring nothing good into our home. He destroyed it. I should’ve known… you spent way too much time at his place. There’d be nights where Nathan and Jennifer would ask me where their dad was, and I didn’t have an answer. What am I supposed to tell them? That their father would rather hang out with some new friends than eat with his family?”
“I’m sorry, Hayley.”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Toby. I’m here, in what could very well be my death bed, because my heart is exceptionally weak thanks to shitty genetics, and now you decide to tell me? Quite frankly, I’m disgusted. I wish I hadn’t known, I could’ve died in peace.”
“Reese wanted me to tell you! And- I prayed, and the Mother told me this was the right thing to do!” Toby begged.
“Reese has always been more concerned about herself than others, Toby, you know that. Her saying that was likely nothing more than a way for her to absolve her guilt about being friends with a man who’d willingly cheat on his wife. And we both know the Mother doesn’t support homosexuality. Maybe you heard wrong, and she meant… go back to your wife.”
“No, the Mother has nothing against it! That’s just people twisting the rules she delivered in the Blessed Scroll! The rule states that judgement comes for all, nowhere does that say that homosexuality is wrong! Believe me, I’ve… I’ve spent a lot of time reading over it to… hate myself less…”
“Whatever, Toby. I wouldn’t take you back anyway. I don’t have enough time left to waste it on a man who’d be unfaithful to me,” Hayley said.
Toby tried to take Hayley’s hand, but she swatted his hand away.
“Go seek happiness with Henry. Or don’t. I don’t care. All that I know is that I never want to see you again. And if Henry’s going to keep you away from me? Run to him. Get out of my life.”
Toby slowly backed away from Hayley.
“Yes, yes, that’s it! Keep going!” Hayley yelled.
Toby threw open the door, and sprinted down the hallway, Hayley’s insults echoing down the hall after him. After a while, everything began to process, and his sprint slowed down to a crawl. There he was. Walking away from everything he’d ever known.
Halfway down the hall, he passed by Nathan and Jennifer, who were heading back up with sandwiches they’d purchased from a vending machine.
“Where are you going, dad?” Nathan called out.
“Is something wrong?” Jennifer added.
Toby didn’t respond, and kept running.
“After that break-in, I thought we could all use a little cheering up,” Jordan said, gesturing to a giant array of food she’d cooked up.
“This is amazing, Jordan!” Henry exclaimed.
“Don’t praise me just yet,” Jordan smiled knowingly. “Guys?”
Hope and Paolo jumped out from behind the corner they’d been hiding in. “Surprise!”
“I can’t believe you put all this together, Jordan,” Bennett said, shaking his head. “I know you’re going through it too…”
“No worries,” Jordan said, waving him off. “I cope through cooking anyway, this whole thing is as much a treat for me as it is for you.”
Everyone took their seats around Henry’s dining table.
“So, Henry, I’ve heard you let the guy who broke in get away?” Hope asked innocently.
“That seems pretty dumb to me, man,” Paolo said, shaking his head.
“I just- I think he can change, that’s all,” Henry shrugged. “Someone just needs to take the first step, and, you know, be nice to him for a change?”
“Stupidly nice, if you ask me,” Jordan cut in. “The kids been bullying Henry since high school, and he can still find it in his heart to forgive him? Hope and I are still on thin ice, and we’ve only been rivals since college.”
“Thin ice, Jordan? You keep talking like that, and we will be,” Hope said jokingly.
“Speaking of Jordan, this food is incredible,” Bennett said with his mouth full, gesturing at his plate with his fork.
“Thank you!” Jordan grinned.
Hope slammed her hand down on the table. “For goodness sake, can you two go out already? I may be soft spoken usually, but this is insane. I need to speak up! It is so obvious that you both are totally into each other!”
“I-It’s not like that!” Jordan stammered.
“Sure it isn’t,” Hope shot back.
“Anyway, back to Henry letting that dude, Jaxon, away scot free… I still personally think he should do something. Just in case it happens again,” Bennett cut in.
“Like what?” Hope asked.
“Could we not go back to this again?” Henry sighed. “What’s done is done, and everything…”
“Honestly, you should just file a restraining order, Henry,” Paolo said. “I know that you said you wanted him to improve as a person, and everything, but I don’t think he should need you there for that. Not after the way he’s treated you.”
Henry didn’t respond.
“I think it’s a good idea, Henry,” Jordan said gently. “You’ve already done more for him than he ever deserved.”
“Why would you have anything against keeping out a man who’s mistreated you and shown up here twice?” Bennett asked.
“I’ll… I’ll consider it, alright?” Henry said, finally speaking up. “I don’t like it, but you’re right. He shouldn’t be near me, in general.”
“Good!” Hope smiled. “Now that we’ve got that cleared up, and Henry, I swear, you’d better follow through with that plan, we can get back to asking Jordan and Bennett some real important questions…”
Jordan and Bennett groaned loudly.
“Mother, please, hear my plea,” Toby said, kneeling in front of the altar. “I’ve always been faithful to you, and I believe you believe in the actions I’ve taken in my current situation. Please… grant Hayley a speedy recovery. Nathan and Jennifer deserve a mother as strong as Hayley. And she deserves to find love again.”
He blinked away a tear.
“And please. I seek your blessing in what I’m about to do next. I’m still… not entirely confident that I should be able to… love men… but! I want to be with Henry. I’ve felt things with him that I never could with Hayley. It… it may take some time for us to rekindle what we once had, after the way I’ve treated him recently… but I believe in us. And I truly do hope that you believe in us too.”
Toby wiped away more tears, then slowly rose to his feet. When he turned around, he was met with a familiar figure.
“Ellen,” Toby said, frowning.
“Hello, Toby. That was a beautiful prayer you just had there,” Ellen smiled.
“W-was it?”
“Yes, I could tell you truly meant every word you spoke. However… are you really certain that the Mother would approve? Think of the mothers second and fifth rules, Mr. Baxter. First off, judgement comes for all. Surely, cheating on one’s spouse, especially with someone of the same gender, is going to result in some harsh punishment. And both of those are clear violations of the fifth rule, that love must be taken at its purest form. You love for Mrs. Hayley was never pure. And loving someone of the same gender? Doesn’t get less pure than that.”
“What are you trying to say?”
Ellen gave Toby a little smile. “You might want to reconsider your options here, Toby. I think that, for both of us, faith will always come first, correct?”
Toby nodded.
“In which case, being with Henry doesn’t seem like nearly as good as an idea, hm? Especially when you have a wife stuck in the hospital and two children who need a fatherly figure.”
Toby didn’t respond.
“Just think about it,” Ellen said, turning around and exiting the church.
Toby sank into a pew. He’d been so convinced that the right thing to do here was to go back to Henry. But now? He wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t so sure that the Mother would approve. And that… that was everything.