Summertime Haze
1.14 - A Sign From Above
A week had passed since Toby had kissed Henry, and the two spent practically every free moment texting.
Good morning, baby, how was your night? Toby sent Henry.
The reply came within seconds. Would have been a lot better with you here besides me.
Toby smiled at his phone as Hayley finished up getting dressed, pushed open the closet door, and walked into the bedroom.
“Who’re you texting, Toby?” she asked innocently.
“Paolo,” Toby lied.
“You two talking about another weird client at the gym? You seem to get so many of those these days.”
Toby shrugged.
“I blame that hoity-toity author that lives not too far from here, so many of her crazy fans have been in town recently… Mass at church is almost unpleasant with all those strangers there.”
“Her moment will come and go, I’m sure of it,” Toby said simply.
“I sure hope so,” Hayley muttered. “That church is supposed to be a place I feel safe, but recently it just… it hasn’t been. I can’t explain it, but something has felt so wrong recently. I’m just hoping that feeling fades once her fans leave town.”
Toby nodded slowly.
“Anyway, I need to cook breakfast for the kids,” Hayley smiled.
She bent over and gave Toby a peck on the lips, then headed out the door.
As soon as she was gone, Toby put his head in his hands. One of the first things Henry had asked him after that kiss was what it meant for Hayley.
“I want you to listen closely, Toby,” Henry had said, a sad little smile on his face. “As much as I want to be with you, I can’t. Not while you’re with Hayley. She doesn’t deserve that.”
“…I… I know, Henry. I thought I loved her, I really did… then I started hanging out with you, and, well, everything changed.”
“Well, what are you going to do, Toby? Me, or her? You can’t have both.”
Toby frowned, and the two stood, nothing but the faint sounds of the steamboat that had passed them interrupting the delicate silence between them.
“I… I’m going to tell her. I’m going to tell her everything. That I can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved, because I’m… because I’m…”
“It’s okay to say it, Toby. There’s no judgement here.”
“Because I’m… gay.”
Henry hugged him. “Text me when you’ve done it. Then, we can truly be a couple.”
Days passed, and as much as Toby wanted to, he never quite worked up the courage to tell Hayley everything. He started to feel so empty without Henry at his side, being affectionate, so he lied and told him that he’d told Hayley everything, and that they were going to keep living together for the sake of their children.
And Henry, unfortunately, believed him. Now, Toby was stuck, lying to the two people he loved most in the world. He legitimately hated himself. He’d always been so good at talking to people, but now that it actually mattered, he couldn’t. He barely knew the person he saw in the mirror every morning. Texts from Henry were the only thing giving him joy right now, but there was still the intense guilt associated with the only reason why Henry was texting him like a boyfriend would.
Toby put his phone down on the bedside table, and headed downstairs. Even if he was failing at everything else, he wasn’t going to screw up being a good father to his children. He’d send them off to school, and pray that today would be the day he was finally able to tell Hayley so he could stop lying to Henry.
When he came downstairs, he found Hayley collapsed on the kitchen floor, Jennifer and Nathan crouched beside her.
“Dad!” Nathan exclaimed. “Mom, she just collapsed!”
“I can’t wake her up, Dad, I don’t know what’s wrong!” Jennifer sobbed.
Toby froze. His mind raced at a million miles an hour, not quite able to settle on any specific thought.
“I think we should take her to the hospital!” Jennifer said quickly.
Toby nodded. “You guys go warm up the car, I’ll call the school and follow you with mom.”
Toby sped the whole way to the hospital, and ran into the front lobby, yelling. The nurses got Hayley into a room quickly. Toby and the kids had to wait in the waiting room for a few hours before a doctor came to see them, saying they could see her.
Just before he entered the room, the doctor shut the door separating Toby from Nathan and Jennifer, who were already in the room.
“Has your wife been overly stressed recently?” the doctor asked. “She had a heart attack, which is very unusual for someone her age.”
“I, uh… she said something about feeling off recently, but other than that, I’m not… sure.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “Alright, Toby. Let me know if you remember anything else.”
He walked down the hallway, and Toby leaned against the door and let out a deep breath. He knew this was all his fault. He should have told her what was going on with him. It was then that he decided what he had to do.
He dialed the number of an old family friend. Reese was her name. She’d been close friends with both Hayley and Toby in high school, and continued to be so after graduation. Whenever either of them had an emergency, they would call on the other family.
“Hey, Reese?” Toby said nervously. “Hayley, she uh, she had a heart attack. I’m at the hospital with Nathan and Jennifer, but I really need to go to church to pray. I can’t do this if I don’t ask the Mother for guidance.”
“I’ll be right over,” Reese said. She hung up with a click, and was at the hospital within 20 minutes.
“Thanks so much for doing this,” Toby smiled.
“Of course, Toby. If there’s ever a time you needed my help, it’s now. You go to church, alright? I’ll look after Nathan and Jennifer.”
Toby didn’t need to be told twice. He waved his goodbye to the three of them, and hurried to his car.
Luckily, the church was deserted when he arrived. The Faithful knew him well enough that they didn’t ask any questions when he sat down in a pew, and closed his eyes.
“Mother, tell me, did I do this to Hayley?” he whispered. “Is this your punishment? Is this what I deserve for not being able to choose, for being… gay?”
He sat there in silence for a few minutes.
“I should… I should be faithful. I promised my life to Hayley. Not to Henry. I should… I should honor what I’ve said already. I need to be with Hayley right now. I can’t let Henry distract me from my family.”
He nodded, and rose to his feet.
Once outside the church, he texted Henry.
Sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Hayley’s in the hospital. Don’t expect me at the next group meeting.
Toby put his phone back in his pocket. He felt it buzz a moment later, but he didn’t check it. No distractions. Hayley needed him.
He got back in his car, headed back to the hospital.
“Toby… he said he can’t do this anymore,” Henry sobbed to Jordan and Bennett.
“Hang on just a minute. He told you that you two were a thing, an exclusive thing, right?” Jordan asked. “So… why does he feel like he needs to cut us all off for her?”
“What did I tell you, Henry?” Bennett sighed. “Hayley clearly wears the pants in that relationship, he was never going to be bold enough to tell her anything.”
“I… I just hoped that if he loved me enough, then he would…” Henry sniffled.
“Oh no, don’t you cry, Henry. We’re not crying over any men today,” Jordan said, walking over to wipe away a tear from Henry’s cheek. “What we’re going to do is drive down to that hospital. Both to wish Hayley well, and to get the answers you deserve.”
“I’ll get the car keys,” Bennett said.
An hour later, Toby heard sudden rapid footsteps in the hallway. The click of a specific pair of heels that he would recognize anywhere. Despite the sudden dread that suddenly developed in his stomach, he turned around to see Jordan marching down the hallway, Bennett and Henry trailing more quietly behind her.
He turned to Reese. “I need to deal with them really quick.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
He stepped out into the hallway, and shut the door behind him.
Jordan marched right up to him, and pressed a finger into his chest. “You’re going to explain yourself right now to poor little Henry.”
Toby looked at Henry, and saw that he’d clearly been crying. He felt his heart break. But he’d already made his choice.
Toby took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Henry. I lied to you. But right now, I need to be here for Hayley.”
Henry’s eyes welled with tears, but he did his best to keep his composure. “Can’t we go and see her too? We brought her flowers.”
Bennett held up a bouquet of flowers, and waved them in the air.
Toby grabbed them from Bennett. “I’m sorry, but… family only. Please leave, all of you.”
He stepped back into the room, and shut the door behind him.
Henry gave him such a look of betrayal from behind the glass, and Toby felt his heart breaking all over again. But, all three of them listened to him, and headed off down the hallway.
Toby burst into tears.
Reese gave him a hug. “It’s going to be alright, Toby.”